a subtle change

This post is entitled “a subtle change,” but the truth of the matter is, big changes are underway. I am in a true turning point in my life right now, and I am reflecting on my past, present and future, with emphasis on the present. In my past, there has been a lot of reflection. What I’m practicing at this moment, however, is taking action on those reflections. There is so much to pour out on this subject, but for now, I will leave you with this: I am practicing being more open and honest with myself and others, no matter what, at all times, in all senses.

The “subtle change” is the shifting of my blog vibes. I am reevaluating the meaning behind this blog, the past state, the current state and the direction I want it to go. I am in the process of figuring that out, and it will be a work in progress of transition. A series of subtle changes to grow this piece of myself as I continue to grow. Today’s subtle change appears in the header, “living life with heart, health and honesty.” Those that have been following me for a while might sense something off about this, but can’t really place their finger on it. I have only changed one word. One word, but the impact to me, and hopefully you, is great. The change from “happiness” to “honesty.”

Many people are constantly in the pursuit of happiness. It drives them. They believe that happiness equals fulfillment. The secret to live. The reason to live. People chase this word, this fleeting feeling all their lives. Stressing when they aren’t happy. Fixing things to hopefully feel happy. Faking happiness believing that happiness could be achieved in this manner. Putting a smile on no matter what. This used to be me. This is still me.

I used to believe happiness was key. I still believe happiness is key. I am in a constant stream of both. Here is what I know I am now, though: I know I am in a state of seeking honesty over happiness. I currently value honesty more than happiness. Honest when I am truly happy, but more importantly, honest when I am not happy. Honest about when I am depressed or stressed or angry or scared or nervous or full of bullsh*t. No one is happy all the time. Happiness is rare. I used to walk around with a smile plastered on my face. I used to tell people I was “good” when I wasn’t. I was full of lies. I am still full of lies. But now I am being honest about my lies and fixing them with the truth.

So there is the current change. From living life with lies of happiness to actually living life in truth and honesty. This blog is in the midst of change because I am in the midst of change. That’s how life is. One thing I am 100% sure will not change though, is the journey. The word itself, the meaning behind it, the notion of it all. Because life is a journey. A journey that winds and twists and backtracks and speeds up and slows down. I will always be on a journey. A journey I am proud of. A journey I am ashamed of. A journey I am honest with.