summer of wellnesss

My oh my, where has the summer gone?  It’s officially fall here in Colorado.  The weather has been cooler, a slight breeze to the air, and sweater and boot season is upon us.  I am happy fall is here.  For me, seasons are a time of change and renewal.  Fall for me is a time when I start to calm down, slow down and streamline a lot of the business in my life.

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my own rules

I make my own rules and my own plans.  When I really think about it all, it’s truly empowering.  I used to be terrified to be in charge of my own life.  What if I messed up?  I’d have no one to blame but myself.  Then, I stopped fearing failure, and I took control of my actions.  Every decision this past year, I can 100% say it’s been my own.  I’ve failed.  I’ve succeeded.  More importantly, I’ve had the most freedom and happiness in my whole life.

justin timberlake is running out of time

I can tell when I’m passionate about something, when I truly care about something.  I give it my all.  I have the “all or nothing” personality.  It bites me in the ass sometimes (a lot of the times), and it also allows me to know myself better.  I know when something or someone is worth my time, because I prioritize it/him/her in my life.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when I hear the phrase/excuse “I don’t have time.”  You do have time.  I have time.  We both have the same amount of time.  What differs between you and I and our time, is how we choose to spend it, how we prioritize it.  When I hear the phrase “I don’t have time,” or when I use the phrase “I don’t have time,”  I really hear, “It’s not a priority of mine.”  And guess what??  That’s totally okay!

a very merry unbirthday

Today is not a special day.  Today is not my birthday.  Today is Monday.  Today seems to be filled with the same mundane tasks  in my schedule—yet today, today felt like something more when I woke up this morning.  When I woke up very late 10 minutes ago, thus making myself unable to attend class—yet, I woke today feeling refreshed, feeling content, feeling like it is a special day, and I knew.

night vision

It’s now 2am.  Sleep still eludes me.  Again.  Part of my ongoing health saga of 2016… Well in seven hours, I will be seeing another doctor.  That makes three doctors in less than one week.  Getting ridiculous?  Don’t have to tell that to me.  Hopefully this doc will be able to provide me with more insight and detail since she is an endocrinologist.  Basically, it’s been “narrowed” down to a hormonal issue.  Simple right?  {Please catch on to this sarcasm.}  I am hopeful though.  This appointment wasn’t supposed to be until August, but due to my recent lymph node flare up, I got bumped up on the list.  For that I am grateful.  Anyway, while I haven’t been able to fall asleep lately, I have had plenty of time for other things.

raising my white flag

It’s weird to say this, but I’m surrendering to this war I’ve been fighting in my body.  I’ve mentioned briefly here and there about my symptoms and never ending trips to the doctor’s and laboratories, unless we’ve personally chatted, then I’ve probably ranted your ear off (sorry ’bout that…).  I’ve had viles of blood taken, physical examinations, EKGs, salivary tests and I’ve had to pee in a freaking jug for 24 HOURS.  TMI?  Nah.  Welcome to my personal hell these past few months.  What is worst of all however, is that I am still undiagnosed and the medical system has left me on my own again.  So here I am.  Left to keep on fightin’ until I don’t have fight left in me–and well, that day came this morning…

a subtle change

This post is entitled “a subtle change,” but the truth of the matter is, big changes are underway.  I am in a true turning point in my life right now, and I am reflecting on my past, present and future, with emphasis on the present.  In my past, there has been a lot of reflection. What I’m practicing at this moment, however, is taking action on those reflections.  There is so much to pour out on this subject, but for now, I will leave you with this: I am practicing being more open and honest with myself and others, no matter what, at all times, in all senses.