my own rules

I make my own rules and my own plans.  When I really think about it all, it’s truly empowering.  I used to be terrified to be in charge of my own life.  What if I messed up?  I’d have no one to blame but myself.  Then, I stopped fearing failure, and I took control of my actions.  Every decision this past year, I can 100% say it’s been my own.  I’ve failed.  I’ve succeeded.  More importantly, I’ve had the most freedom and happiness in my whole life.

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a subtle change

This post is entitled “a subtle change,” but the truth of the matter is, big changes are underway.  I am in a true turning point in my life right now, and I am reflecting on my past, present and future, with emphasis on the present.  In my past, there has been a lot of reflection. What I’m practicing at this moment, however, is taking action on those reflections.  There is so much to pour out on this subject, but for now, I will leave you with this: I am practicing being more open and honest with myself and others, no matter what, at all times, in all senses. 

dear jessi

Dear Jessi,

I don’t think I have ever been this genuinely and consistently happy as I have this year–and my happiness keeps escalating with  every day.  I have grown tremendously this year.  I’ve learned to let go of things out of my control.  I have learned to dismiss toxic people in my life, and to seek out and pursue only those that can lift me up and enhance my ongoing happiness and harmony.  This summer has been one for the books with so much growth, discovery, detoxification, adventure, love, confidence, and inner peace and contentment that I have not felt in a very long time.  

striving for progress

Many of you who follow me on Instagram, know that I have made some significant progress mentally and physically to my overall health and wellness.  Yes I have made progress: I am happier, healthier, fitter and living in the moment more, but I still have room to grow and improve on myself.  That is why this is my journey and not my destination.

dear jessi

Dear Jessi,

I have been thinking about you a lot lately, and that usually means I am missing you more so than usual.  Every little (or huge) reminder of your constant presence never ceases to bring me back.  It is truly amazing how much you are still touching my life.  I would not be the person I am now without you.  You have turned my life into an ever-shining bliss of happiness and sunshine.    You continue to inspire me to always be encouraging towards others.  In fact, I am now a Beachbody Coach helping and empowering others to find health and fitness–something that I never would have had the courage to pursue if it was not for your encouraging voice in the back of my mind throughout the process.  I want to help people just like you have/are helping me: that is to be the best version of myself no matter what, to always challenge myself in order to grow and to constantly strive to live life with heart, health and happiness.  

Recently, I have been too wrapped up in bringing light to others’ lives (which is amazing), but I only say “too wrapped up” because I started to settle back into my “comfort” zone again–not like before thank goodness, but enough to become a little too stressed and anxious like the old Emily (you know the one).  However, you saw this before I did and you intervened ASAP.  This may sound silly to others, but you know exactly what I am talking about.  You tricky trickster.  Last night at my cooking class training, I met the CSU’s “new” nutritionist–Kelsey.  I could not believe it!  Especially when she said she was teaching cycling again at the Rec.  When I heard this I knew.  I knew this was you reaching out to me.  It took everything in me to not bust out cry-laughing, but I managed not to (unlike now…)  You knew I needed this push because the truth is, I have not stepped into that cycling studio since you left.  I could not even imagine what would happen when I sat down next to your bike…

Regardless of my fears, I took your challenge.  This morning, I got up at 5:30 am and headed to Kelsey’s cycling class.  At first, it was a little overwhelming, but as class started, I felt stronger–physically from Kelsey’s crazy good cardio class of course, but also emotionally.  I overcame this emotional challenge of being in that studio–a place where our friendship really grew every Tuesday/Thursday at 7 am freshman and sophomore year.  It was good to be back, Jess.  I cannot thank you enough once again.  You inspire me, you encourage me and you challenge me every day to be a better human being.  No one else may understand or see the value of this victory, but to me, it is another page turned in the story of my “Journey for Jessi.”

love you always,

Em

half a year spent blogging

Happy almost New Year!  I cannot believe the year I have had… It has been a crazy adventure to say the least, but one of my favorite and most memorable parts of the year, has been sharing it with you all!  I started this blog this past summer in June after losing my best friend back in May.

chasing happiness

I started this blog as a health blog in memory of my best friend Jessi a few months ago. Jessi was my best friend that I waited to emerge all my life, and the two years I knew her, though short, I felt like we had been friends our whole lives. She was the one and only person I could relate to 100%. I knew she would always understand and help me through difficult times. It has been seven months to the night now. Seven months since I lost my best friend, confidant, and sister in Christ. I miss her every single day, and it still feels as fresh as the night she passed. I have been lying to myself thinking that things have been better. But the truth is, I am very lost.

realizing the journey

My third year of college has come and I am settling into the year as the first-weeks-of-school-festivities come to a close.  I have been ridiculously busy lately as made obvious by my lack of posts…  I am thankful that things are winding down so I can get back into my fitness routine (I might have back-tracked a bit…) and focus on my priorities.  My goals for this month are to declare my nutrition major officially, get back on the health train, and register for the Boulder Spring Half Marathon.  I need to begin running more often again in order to get back into the swing of training. I need to take better care of my body.  I am a firm believer that the body can do wonderful things (like running a marathon) if you take care of it.  I know I need to train properly and effectively as I cannot help but think of Jessi–I am running the Boulder Half for her, for goodness sake.  

set backs

I admit– I get discouraged.  I let minor set backs make me feel like I have lost everything.  Looking back, I always realize this is not the case though. It just takes a great deal of strength and courage to get back up and keep fighting.  If you are like me, you are your own worst enemy.  I have to constantly remind myself that eventually the storm will pass and the sun will shine again.