a relationship post

As of late, I have been hearing a lot of conversation about relationships.  I hear a tidbit here and there, walking to campus, in classes, from my sorority sisters, from my peers, in passerby conversations, all twenty-somethings and all wanting to be in a relationship with someone “before it’s too late.”  Too late for what may I ask?  So many people it seems are desperately seeking someone to love these days, but out of fear.  Fear of being alone for the rest of their lives.  Trust me, I understand this place.  I have been in and out of that specific place myself.  

Advertisement

dear jessi

Dear Jessi,

I don’t think I have ever been this genuinely and consistently happy as I have this year–and my happiness keeps escalating with  every day.  I have grown tremendously this year.  I’ve learned to let go of things out of my control.  I have learned to dismiss toxic people in my life, and to seek out and pursue only those that can lift me up and enhance my ongoing happiness and harmony.  This summer has been one for the books with so much growth, discovery, detoxification, adventure, love, confidence, and inner peace and contentment that I have not felt in a very long time.  

May 4, 2014

A year ago, I lost my best friend in the entire world.  Jessica Dillon was just the angel I needed from the first day I met her my freshman year continuing on to now.  A year ago, I was at a hospital in Boulder praying to God and crying my heart out.  A year ago, I got two phone calls that changed my life forever.  One to shake up my Sunday morning and send me in a haze of tears, prayers, car rides, walks and hugs and a second t to change my life for good.  The night of May 4th, 2014, God called my best friend Jessi home to Heaven after a day of fighting for her beautiful life.  A day filled with chaos and confusion turned to a night sitting on the patio with my other best friend trying to settle into this hard hit reality.  Today will make me cry. Today will make my heart hurt.  This date has been approaching and I have been hiding from it and hiding from this blog as a result.  When the tears fall today, know that as much as I try to be strong and positive, my heart will always be missing a  place for Jessi.  My heart is not empty by any means though.  It is filled with love and memories. The memories flood in as I try to focus on the happy and warm feelings.  Everything happens for a reason.  Every moment lends an opportunity for growth, even the grievous ones.  I admit.  I suffered a fair amount this past year, but I have also grown and morphed in a way I could not even imagine possible.  I am stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I have a confidence in myself I could have never dreamed of.  I can honestly say that I am truly happy in my life.  Even when circumstances are not the best, or I feel stressed or sad, I can look at the bigger picture and I feel secure knowing that I am in a balanced and blissful place.  I owe this to Jessi.  She taught me how to keep an open heart and an open mind, how to focus on the important aspects in life like family, faith, health and love.  She taught me how to lift myself up, so that I can carry on her legacy and lift others up as well.  She taught me to live life with heart, health and happiness–and now I strive to teach those around me as well.  As today carries on, I pray for strength and love and peace.  I pray that I can share Jessi’s story and be inspiring and encouraging to others.

Revelation 21:4

hearts, hearts and more hearts

I have been both single and in relationships for Valentine’s day, so I speak from experience when I say that Valentine’s Day is a very weird holiday on both parts.  V-day has always just be eh for me.  I don’t hate it, I am not its number one fan.  In my opinion, it is just a holiday in which everyone gets all stressed out and–more often times than not–just straight up sad on the 14th.  Please people.  Calm down.  If you have a significant other, just relax.  Spend the day together.  Do not build these huge expectations of grandeur.  My best Valentine’s day with my boyfriend at the time was a night spend at home making dinner together and watching Scrubs.  If you are single, oh my gosh!  Enjoy it!  Once I embraced being single (and happy) this Valentine’s Day, I am more in favor of this day of love than I used to be.

making 2015 my year

Thanks to 2014, I have become stronger and grown quite a bit as an individual (see my last post).  I am so excited for this new year as I have big personal goals and I plan on really sticking to them.  In my second decade of life, I am tired of “floating” around through life.  Granted, I do want to be more free-spirited, but in the grand scheme of things, I want to have vision.  I want to be a dreamer and a doer.  

the jam plan

This has been me.  Not kidding.  Just ask my roommates.  When I get stressed or sad or depressed, I bake–I bake a lot.  But with all of that baking comes recipes, and a lot of them.  So this is beneficial for both you and I.  The recipe I am posting here is for Orange Blueberry Oat Muffins–yum right?  You can also substitute cranberries for the blueberries for more of a winter take on this recipe.  That is what I did for my secret santa in Nutrition Club.  I subbed cranberries for blueberries and made the muffins into a loaf.

chasing happiness

I started this blog as a health blog in memory of my best friend Jessi a few months ago. Jessi was my best friend that I waited to emerge all my life, and the two years I knew her, though short, I felt like we had been friends our whole lives. She was the one and only person I could relate to 100%. I knew she would always understand and help me through difficult times. It has been seven months to the night now. Seven months since I lost my best friend, confidant, and sister in Christ. I miss her every single day, and it still feels as fresh as the night she passed. I have been lying to myself thinking that things have been better. But the truth is, I am very lost.

frozen: “love is an open door”

This reminded me of Jessi—in so so sooo many ways.  

1.  We both loved Frozen.

2.  It took us forever to see this movie together, so we had to wait until it came out on DVD and we had a movie watching get together with our friends.

3.  Jessi always recorded funny videos of herself singing and being silly on her road trips home and back to school.

All-in-all, this video screams my best friend.  She would have adored it.  This would have been something that I posted on her Facebook wall this summer and texted her about.

I do not think I will ever hear this song in the same note again, but in a very good way.  It has so much meaning now thanks to Todd Stocker and his blog.  I follow him because I knew his daughter Makenzie and danced with her.  He recently wrote a post about this song/video in which he relates the lyrics “love is an open door” back to God and Christ.  Jessi would have loved this even more, as I now do.  

He refers back to the fact that “In Christ, we find our place.  In Christ, we see God’s face.  We say goodbye to the past… He wipes away every tear.”

It really hit home for me, thank you Mr. Stocker.  

Visit him here at toddstocker.com.